"Im afraid the lump is cancerous" these were the dreaded words I heard on 4th May 2007 at 6.15pm. First I felt sick then the sick feeling went back down to make my tummy bad. I immediately turned to my husband Chris and put my hand on his leg and asked him if he was ok. We were then told that it would be ok as the consultant would do a lumpectomy and check the lymph nodes. I immediately went home and told everybody as I didnt want anybody to feel too awkward to speak to me in case they wondered if they should know. I came round from the lumpectomy feeling like id been hit by a bat. I was told that the op had gone well and some lymph nodes had been removed. A couple of weeks later the histology report showed that not all the cancer had been caught so i had to have another op to take a clear margin. A week later we were told that i needed a mastectomy. I cried for a while then thought at least i will still be alive. God was very good and as i lay in the anaesthetic room i looked at the ceiling thinking i should be crying but i couldnt. God had given me an inner peace. When I came round from the operation I immediately looked under the covers. Yes they had taken the correct one. Back on the ward i joked with the nurses that i was entering X-factor calling myself one tit wonder and sing boobie nights and boobie wonderland. A week after id got home it hit me and i cried and nearly turned myself inside out with grief. I had lost a piece of myself, a piece of me as a woman. People told me i was so brave and looked so well but inside i was an emotional wreck and at times felt quite angry that people seemed to take so lightly. This was my boob which had been taken off me and people wanted me to act normal.
In July 2007 I started chemo. I had to have a hickman line inserted into my chest to administer my chemo as my veins were so bad. My first chemo and as i sat waiting i had text after text from work friends wishing me well. I expected to feel something as the toxic drug entered my body but it just felt cold. I then had a strange taste with one of the chemo drugs. I was on a three combination called F.E.C. That night i felt very unwell and the night nurses had to come and inject me with anti sickness drugs. A couple of weeks later my hair started falling out in my food and face creams, so I asked my dear friend Sarah who is a hairdresser if she would shave it all off. We sat in her kitchen with a glass of wine and laughed and cried. When i went home my daughter Sarah said "Mum you are gorgeous just like G.I Jane" I decided not to wear a wig as everybody knew i had lost my hair to chemo so would know it was a wig. Instead i embraced the baldness as a good thing. The cancer didnt make me bald it was the drugs which are killing the cancer which did it, so surely thats a positive note? I embraced life to the full and loved God and felt his closeness like never before. this wasnt just a walk through cancer, this was a walk with God.
never upset your hairdresser
In July 2007 I started chemo. I had to have a hickman line inserted into my chest to administer my chemo as my veins were so bad. My first chemo and as i sat waiting i had text after text from work friends wishing me well. I expected to feel something as the toxic drug entered my body but it just felt cold. I then had a strange taste with one of the chemo drugs. I was on a three combination called F.E.C. That night i felt very unwell and the night nurses had to come and inject me with anti sickness drugs. A couple of weeks later my hair started falling out in my food and face creams, so I asked my dear friend Sarah who is a hairdresser if she would shave it all off. We sat in her kitchen with a glass of wine and laughed and cried. When i went home my daughter Sarah said "Mum you are gorgeous just like G.I Jane" I decided not to wear a wig as everybody knew i had lost my hair to chemo so would know it was a wig. Instead i embraced the baldness as a good thing. The cancer didnt make me bald it was the drugs which are killing the cancer which did it, so surely thats a positive note? I embraced life to the full and loved God and felt his closeness like never before. this wasnt just a walk through cancer, this was a walk with God.
never upset your hairdresser
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