All of last evening I was in excruciating pain around my lower back where the tumour is and in the hips, pelvis and legs where the bone cancer is. I didn't know whether to sit or stand. I sat and rocked. I'd then get up and drag my body up and down the louge leaning on my stick. I wanted a hug in the hope that it would take the pain away. I wanted to speak to my younger Sisters but they live far away in Canada and Dubai and so contact is not that often. I wanted to scream at somebody without them taking it personally because I'm not screaming at them but the cancer, but even family fail to understand this at times. I took maximum pain killers but they did very little to help. I warmed up some heat pads which helped a little. in the end I went to bed and awoke at 8.30am for Chris my hubbie to give me my pain meds, then I slept again until almost 11am. I then took my chemo meds.
By 2pm I felt a bit better and was able to get myself showered. I very rarely stay in my pyjamas because it makes me feel better to get dressed. The sun is shining today and its wonderful weather for October and this cheered me up a bit. One of the most annoying sayings though is when I'm in so much pain that i cant even stand and somebody will say "At least the sun is shining" Trust me when the pain is so bad I don't notice what the weather is doing but as i start to feel better it helps to see the sun.
Pain is strange because you adapt to different pain levels. What was extremely painful to me a few years ago is now tolerable because my pain is so much more severe. Does anybody else know what I mean? I think it's amazing at how much the human body can stand. When I look back at what my body has gone through I can't believe it, I've had numerous operations and so many toxic drugs pumped into me and my body as restored itself each time. This is a wonderful testament to God who created us. Every part of our body right down to cells invisable to human eyes seem to work furiously to keep us going. No human being could ever design something so wonderfully brilliant.
I still live in hope that God will perform the ultimate miracle of healing me completely. I am in his hands,,
Hi Dee, I finally found you on blogspot! I hope you are feeling more comfortable by the time you read this and you get a better night. I have been reading your blog and, well I won't say I enjoyed it because that wouldn't be right but I feel I can understand from what you say a little of how you feel. love Goosey (aka Lyn xxx)
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