27th October 2011

Well I havent been on here for a few days as I've been suffering from extreme fatigue. yesterday I couldn't even get dressed so had a duvet day. Every movement was an effort, even lifting my hand to hold my drink.

This morning I had to go for my pre chemo blood test. my veins aren't very good anymore and so it took two attempts to get blood. I was still able to laugh and joke whilst the poor nurse drew my blood.
Last night my Son had a tummy bug and so we are worried about me catching it as my immune system is not good. I know it sounds awful but you become a bit paranoid when you know that even a slight cold could actually land me in hospital seriously ill as the chemo wipes out the ability to fight anything.
So today we have been going round the house spraying door handles and surfaces with anti bacterial sprays. To give an idea of how serious it would be for me, Four years ago when I was on chemo I picked up an infection and was rushed into hospital and needed two blood transfusions and actually nearly died.

I'm not looking forward to starting cycle 6 of chemo as it means swallowing an extra 6 tablets on top of the 8 that I take already with my breakfast. Then another 6 at teatime. (I have pain killers mid afternoon, plus 8 at bed time) By the time I reach the end of the chemo course I struggle to swallow the tablets so I have to remind myself that they are slowing down the cancer in my liver and keeping me alive longer. This means longer time with my Husband, kids, family and friends.

I have people asking me how I keep going but when faced with a serious situation you have to decide whether to sink to your knees and let it envelop your whole life, or you say thank you God and make the most of what you have. Whilst you are wallowing you are wasting precious time.

When you face death it makes you look at life. family, friends and the love they all bring are so important and it's important to avoid stress as this can bring you down physically. The Daily Mail a couple of weeks ago said that scientists have found that those on chemo who have Faith actually do a lot better than those who have no belief. I know that I can honestly say that for me this has proven to be true.

Everybody needs something or somebody to believe in, everybody needs hope and for me this has been God. :0