13th October 2011

I didn't get to do a blog yesterday. My dear friend Angie took me on a Spa day. Because I have cancer in the bones I wasn't allowed massages, facials or use the jacuzzi. So we took a dip in the swimming pool. (I can't swim so I clung to the side) It's the first time I've been in a pool since all my leg surgery and they felt strange in the water, especially when i got out of the water my legs suddenly felt so heavy. I wonder if this is because in the water the weight of the metal work was taken away.
Anyway we then got dressed and put a bit of make up on then went for our manicures. It was lovely and was followed by lunch.

By the time I got home I was so tired and went to bed feeling pain and slightly queasy. By 9pm I was so exhausted I barely had strength to move my head off the pillow. I watched some TV to try and take my mind off things.

I felt tired physically and emotionally. Tuesdays trip to hospital had taken its toll and I was emotionally drained from other events the same day. I try so hard to stay strong and I think sometimes people are so used to me being strong that they forget that inside I have a constant battle to stay like that. I get upset when I think of all the things I will miss when I've gone. I will miss special events with my family. Will i ever get to see my Children marry? will I ever get to hold a grandchild in my arms? It's upsetting when I think that future events will happen without me. God is so very good to me and keeps me strong but I'm human and get scared, angry and sad at times.

I am very Blessed to have not only family but wonderful friends as well who love me loads. My family don't all live near me so my friends are there for me a lot during the bad times. They hold me when I'm in pain and cry with me.

God has given love in all sorts of forms. Family can't always be there so God sent friends to step in. I have many wonderful friends and for this I Praise God as there are a lot of times when they keep me going.

Cancer can be lonely, dying can be even lonelier. I am eternally grateful to God that he has made it that I am certainly not lonely.