Sorry haven't been on here for a while as spent over two weeks in the Forest Holme Hospice to get my pain under control. Whilst there I was taken across to the main hospital for my bone scan. The scan showed that the cancer has spread quite a bit especially in my left leg in the femur, there are now also traces in the left cheekbone of my face. It was decided that a large dose of radiotherapy on my femur would help with the pain. meanwhile I was started on an intravenous dia-morphine pump. This seemed to help. Then a week later I was transported across to the main hospital for the radiotherapy.
A week after I'd been admitted to the hospice I was allowed home for a few hours. Just a couple of hours of being at home my Minister had popped by to see me and whilst he was here and I was busy chatting to him I suddenly heard my voice getting more and more slurred and I couldn't keep my eyes open or communicate. I could hear everything people were saying and heard my Minister call my Daughter who was upstairs at the time. My Daughter was amazingly calm and made all the necessary phone calls. In the meantime my best friend Angie turned up. An ambulance was sent out with paramedics. I kept coming in and out of conciousness and at one point one of the paramedics asked me if I was a DNR (Do Not Recussitate) I replied yes. This note was added to my medical notes last November 2011. If and when my heart stops it will because my body is so very tired from fighting the disease then trying to restart my heart would not acheive anything other than keep me alive probably in a comatosed state for a few more weeks. If however I was to fall over and stop breathing then I am entitled to be recussitated as it would have been the fall and not the cancer who caused it.
Anyway after what seemed like ages I was loaded onto the ambulance. The paramedics were amazing and took me back to the Forest Holme. I can't keep telling people enough just how wonderful the medical team at FHH are. They help to make the atmosphere cheery and treat each person who enters the building with warm caring attitude. Whilst I stayed there this time I was on a small ward of 4 ladies. I made a few friends but was also sad to witness some pass away. I was deeply moved at how the nurses reacted to each patient that passed away. After comforting the family a nurse stayed with the patient and as they changed them into clean clothing I could hear the nurse telling the patient exactly what she was doing, even though this patient was no longer with us. On telling my Husband about this I cried as I said it brought me comfort knowing that when my time comes that I will be treated with kindness and dignity.
I am so glad to be back home but had a very moving time in the Hospice, meeting wonderful people somw of whom I will continue to have contact with. A lot of people see and hear the word Hospice and are frightened thinking only of death. But in actual fact to me and my family the hospice has meant helping us to live our life without pain enabling us to go about as normal as possible. So to us Hospice means LIFE as well as Death.
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