Hello my friends, sorry haven't been on here in ages. The truth of the matter is that for a couple of weeks have felt very "flat" not depressed but just flat. I didn't want to speak to anybody or go out in public. I wasn't in the mood for people trying to cheer me up with "look on the bright side" attitudes. I just wanted to curl up and watch TV, and get lost within a good book. When my Husband and kids came home I was more than willing to chat to them.
Then Thursday of last week I was sat in my lounge watching TV when I suddenly started crying, my Daughter rushed into the room and asked what was wrong? I honestly didn't know. I just sobbed and sobbed to the point I could barely breath. My friend Sarah came round a bit earlier as we had planned to have lunch together anyway. It was the first time I think that she had ever seen me so upset. Most of the time I am smiley, chatty and upbeat, but I am human and get off days.
On Sunday morning the sun was shining so Chris my hubbie wanted to go out so we drove to my favourite village of Corfe. We had a cup of tea in the national trust cafe. All of a sudden I had the most horrendous hot flush where I was dripping wet. Then once the hot flush had gone I felt cold and wet and then shivery. I asked if we could go home. I then felt awful for spoiling Chris' day out. He put me my garden chair out on the patio and I sat and read a book in the sun. Next thing I know tears are just tumbling down my face. Why? I didn't know.
People see me out and about and comment on how well I look. the doctors say how well I look. the truth is that inside my body is crumbling to a wreck. Every mundane thing tires me out. I told a friend only today that I get dressed in the morning then I need a rest to recover from getting dressed.
I have been ill since 2006 and I am tired and worn out.
But must keep smiling.
:)
I
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