Feeling quite crabby and grumpy as spent the afternoon at the hospital in orthapaedics having X-rays on both legs and pelvis to check surgery done earlier this year. The X-rays were to compare with those done a few months ago and to see if the cancer in the bones of that area has spread. The X-rays were painful as they lay me on each side on a special x-ray board and the edge of the board sat right across my thigh where the metal work is.
The news was good as the X-rays showed no new increase in legs from cancer. We told however that X-rays only show up large tumours and if i continue to get the pain that i would need a bone or MRI scan as they detect smaller tumours and cells.
Whilst I was waiting in limited space area for X-ray a woman with a young child came and sat right next to me to the point she was touching me. the little girl kept coughing and sneezing over me she was also scratching. then the mother asked the Nurse what chickenpox looked like as her daughter was covered. The nurse looked and said it could be chicken pox. At that point I mentioned to the nurse that I am on chemo and my immune system is still low. The nurse immediately took me to aother area to sit and wait. She the said to me that she couldnt't believe some people and couodnt believe that the woman had brought her child with a snotty cold and a rash into where there are vunerable patients.
I have pain where i had to lay on the hard table and x-ray boards. All my family are rejoicing that the cancer hasnt spread as far as they are able to tell. And I am in pain from the tests. At the moment I don't feel happy I feel fed up from being prodded and pulled around. I've had a whole year of it. This time last year I was rushed into hospital seriously ill and needed emergency surgery and spent New Years Eve in hospital and the following three weeks. Since then I've had two more major operations and chemo, not to mention the time spent in the Hospice to get the terrible pain under control.
I get days when I feel a bit low and it was during a time like this that somebody who I thought was a friend told me that by saying some of the things I was saying that I was trying to nullify their prayers for my perfect healing. Of course I want to live, I want to grow old with my Husband. I look on life as precious and not to be messed with. I just get days when I feel low from the terrible physical pain I have to endure. Its easy for somebody to judge how another is managing an illness, but I think so far I've managed this year pretty well. My family who don't all share my Faith get very hurt and cross by people who think its their right to judge how I am facing this. To ths person I would say, its not them who is holding me when im screaming from pain in the middle of the night, its not them who is comforting my kids from seeing me so ill, its not them who helps me out of bed each morning and some days help me get dressed. It IS BECAUSE of people like them that my family don't go to Church Like I've said before God is our judge, not man, anybody who think they are more spiritual than another are standing in judgement and will be judged by God above.
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