15th November 2011

Well since my last blog I haven't felt too great. The fatigue has been awful, so much so that I haven't been waking up until 11.30am or Midday. Over the weekend my feet were so sore from the chemo that I could barely walk. For this reason when Chris took me out both Saturday and Sunday afternoons I had to be pushed in a wheelchair. I hate this as I feel like a fraud and feel guilty at Chris having to push me.

Today we saw my Oncologist and he said that the numb tingling sensation down my left and arm and leg are connected with the tumour and cancer in the bottom of my spine which is spreading round the left. I a to have a CT scan the middle of December 2011.

He is reducing my chemo doseage to try and help with the soreness in my feet. I start my 7th cycle this Friday. I then have two more doses which will see me into the New Year. Then depending what the scan shows up will depend on how much of a break from the chemo I get.

It's frustrating that I haven't got the energy to take myself out. I used to walk loads, walking was one of my hobbies and now I can barely walk around the Supermarket. In fact I haven't been able to get to do the weekly food shop in months. This little delight has been left to Chris. I miss being able to browse at the offers and see what I fancy eating. Small pleasures in life are the things which we take for granted but miss the most once they are gone.

Without my Faith I really don't think I could cope with what life has thrown at me. I respect everyone elses beliefs and I ask that they respect mine as it is what keeps me alive. God has been so very good to me and has comforted me in my times of distress. I have the comfort of knowing where I am going when my time ends here. I've had people ask me how I can believe in something I can't see. I say to them...I can't see the air unless it touches the trees but I believe it exists. When God touches people you can see he exists. I go to bed believing I will wake each day..how can I be sure? I believe, I have Faith, I have Hope, Without hope we are all done for. I believe without Faith there is no hope.

I have Faith and Hope therefore I am very Blessed indeed.

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