3rd December 2011

Today Chris took me out for lunch then we went down to Bournemouth. I managed to walk for quite a way. Its the first time in 3 weeks that I've been able to go out for a walk without the wheelchair. I'm also very pleased with myself because Chris dropped me off at the Christian bookshop so he could go and park the car and I met up with him half an hour later. All of this year I've had to rely on others to take me out so now I'm quite scared to go out the house alone. So this small step was a huge achievment for me.

I bought a couple of Bibles to put into my future Grandchildrens memory boxes. It has been a tradition of mine that my Nephews and my close friend Angies children were given Bibles. Angie and Martin are my Childrens Godparents. If I am fortunate to live to see my precious Grandchildren then I will give them to them myself. My Faith has always been very important to me and is part of who I am so are important in letting future generations know who I am.

One of the things I get upset about is that when I die that I will not be part of my Grandchildrens lives. My hope is that they will be shown photos of me and that Chris, James and Sarah as well as rest of family and friends will talk to them about me and tell them just how much I would have loved them.

My wish is that my Family will not grieve so much that it stops them from living the precious life they have been given, but that they will remember the good times with me. It is right to grieve, to cry as these are emotions given to us by God. I believe holding emotion in, stiff upper lip approach is damaging to our physical being and comes out in other ailments. Also, no matter how much we might be hurting inside it is also okay to carry on living. This is not letting the loved one who has gone, down or forgetting them but carrying on with your life. This is okay. It's okay to carry on and enjoy life, there is no need to feel guilty for enjoying life. I have enjoyed what life I have been Blessed with and so should my loved ones. I wish to be remembered with laughter and smiles.

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